Personal

How can we make our personal life and relationship fulfilling?

RELATIONSHIP

What is a good relationship, and how do we develop them?

Q. Why do want from relationship?

1) Introducing "Job to be done" theory

Before discussing the challenges and strategies around relationship, we wanted to question the stigma associated with being single.

In fact, as New York times article shows, more Japanese women are choosing to remain single as they are becoming increasingly financially independent

To answer this question, we focused on “job to be done” (a theory developed by Clayton Christensen), and not demographic criteria for a partner (i.e., age group, educational background)

For those who are unfamiliar with job to be done, one famous example is a milkshake study. What increased milkshake sales in this case was not by making it thicker, more chocolaty, cheaper, or chunkier… it was by making a straw thinner! This is because customers were “hiring” the milkshake to satisfy the "job" of making the long and boring drive to work to be more interesting, so thinner straw made it possible for them to enjoy it longer

2) What are Job to Be Done in a relationship?

Emotional
- Unconditional support
  - “I don’t have insecurity as often as I did before. I know that no matter what happens, my partner supports me.”

Social
- Expanded social network
  - “Especially if your partner is from a different profession, you get to know the people that you would otherwise not have.”

Q. What are the main challenges?

Meeting with the right person
Developing egalitarian relationship
Managing worklife balance
Syncing up the long-term career
- “Neither my partner nor I knows where we will be based in the future, so I am not sure whether we should be committing to the long-term relationship.”
Different expectations
- “My partner is non-Japanese and he does not seem to be as committed to a life-long relationship, but I do not want to marry with someone with the expectation that we might get divorced in the future.”
Competition
- “My partner used to be in the same field, so it got a bit weird because we felt that we were sort of competing with each other. (e.g., research progress, publishing papers)
Benefit could be challenges
- “While there are functional, social, and emotional benefits to relationship, these could become a liability too. For instance, in my case, my functional burden increased as a result of partnership.”

Q. What are some ways to address the challenges?

Think egalitarian relationship in the long term
- “The fact that one person is doing better than other could naturally happen. The side who is doing well might not have the time to take on more housework or spend time together. So instead of thinking that we always need to split 50-50, we could divide the work in the long term”
Have a clear priority in mind
- “It is important to be clear about your own priority and talk with your partner. This will help you make decisions” “Similar to crises management… it is too late to consider what to do when crises happen, it is important to discuss different scenarios in the future in the beginning, and how to respond.”
Develop a support network
- “The challenges that partners face do not need to be solved by two people. It is important to establish a broader support network.

Resources