Confidence  

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• What does the right amount of confidence look like?

  • The ability to tell what matters and what does not matter. 

    • “When you cannot identify these two apart, you could be under-confident in areas that are not controllable”  

  • The ability to celebrate people around you

    • ​“I know someone who really lifts up his team members and celebrate their accomplishments.” 

    • “It might be easier to do for those who are way younger (and thus not perceived to be “threat”) but my manager is willing to share his advice so that others can be at the same level as he is.”

  • The ability to focus on here and now.

    • ​“Lack of confidence might come from the failures from the past as well as anxiety about future. I have been doing meditations and that has been helping me to be present and focus on what I need / want to do right now.”​

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->    Overall, the right amount of confidence is about specific mindset and not necessarily a behavior. Organizations tend to reward confidence in terms of behavior, even though some seemingly confident behavior might come from sense of insecurity. 

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• What could look like confidence but actually insecurity 

  • Showing off the past visible accomplishments (e.g., things that you would write on your resume) 

    • “Mounting” … a term coined in Japan where you try to “mount” your accomplishments over others (e.g., projects accomplished, salary) 

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• Where does under/over confidence come from?

  • Mismatch between competence and self-esteem

    • ​“Competence is something where you can prove, but feeling a sense of accomplishment is a different thing.”

  • ​Judgmental wording

    • “I have been working with my students to be non-judgmental and focused on intention, rather than outcome. If someone lives in an environment filled with judgmental words, then they would internalize it. Rather than solely focusing on outcome, we should think about the process and learnings.

  • Perceived sense of penalty 

    • “There is a research that tells that women tend to prefer missing opportunities rather than trying out something and get penalized.” 

  • Missed Opportunity

    • “Confidence comes from taking risks and doing something. It is difficult to generate confidence by just looking inside you.” 

  • Defense mechanism 

    • “Right now, mental pain is more painful than physical pain. Rather than being hurt, our mind might want to hurt ourselves first” 

  • Ambiguity 

    • “We don’t know what is expected of us and where we stand. That ambiguity creates sense of anxiety.” 

  • Culture that induces insecurity

    • “If we are under an environment that promotes competition and evaluation, that might trigger questioning to yourself.” 

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• What are some ways to calibrate our confidence?

  • Be aware when you are not at your right confidence level 

    • “There are certain ways that lack of confidence might manifest. (e.g., breathing) Be aware of that, and intervene (e.g., taking 1 min break from work”  

  • Know what matters, and what to let go of

    • ​“If you try to do so many things and listen to so many people, you could feel a bit overwhelmed. Know what and who matters.” 

  • Do more of micro-sponsorship 

    • “Instead of relying on big accomplishments, it is helpful to hear appreciation on what you do on daily basis. Try thanking to other people more – this might also create virtuous cycle.” 

  • Reverse thoughts-emotions-behavior 

    • “Our thoughts tend to trigger negative emotions and then behavior. We could also start with certain behavior that could trigger better thoughts and emotions. These actions also don’t have to be in the realm that originally caused underconfidence (e.g., you feel underconfident when you could not speak up -> instead of trying to speak up, you can just help people around you to start positive cycle of thoughts, emotions, behavior) 

  • Clarify expectations 

    • “There are research that show that women tend not to apply to positions where requirements are too ambiguous. (e.g., leadership skills) If you are unsure, better to clarify expectations than not applying.” 

    • “Don’t forget that impostor syndrome is very natural – about 70% of people (men and women) have it.” (although somehow in Japan it is said that women have more of this)